I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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