Who did Billy Mays play for?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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