I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
