Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize