Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
