dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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