He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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