I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
