I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
