also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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