Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
