I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
