He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
