He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
