you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
