He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
