i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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