I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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