Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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