Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
