That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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