I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
