It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
