omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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