Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The beer is more important than you right now.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
