I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
