im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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