i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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