And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
