so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
