he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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