There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
