Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
