I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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