Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
