I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
