she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
