you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
