toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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