so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
