Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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