So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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