She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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