apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
