he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
