i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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