question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
