1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
