Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
