Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
