Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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