you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
