so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
