This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
