need another drink. this is the easiest way
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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