Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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