they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
