wanna go halves on a baby?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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