The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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