So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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