do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
