last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
